Well, this is going well isn’t it? I’ve already missed a day…the SECOND day. I’m not going to beat myself up on that.
Luckily, my literal diabetes “closet” – a bag in this case – got cleaned not that long ago. I spent one glorious day doing all this during my Spring Break because I am that weird person that looks forward to cleaning on a day off. Before that, well… it had been awhile. I had glucose meters I didn’t know I had, 5 year old lancet boxes, old protein bars, chalk-like smarties – it was a mess. On top of that, I had extra supplies in an “earthquake bag” near my door since I live in California and you never know. That needed to be cleaned out as well, still working on replenishing it all.
Mentally, there’s still a ways to go. This will be elaborated on in a future post but I’ve certainly had some mental blocks in dealing with diabetes. I was diagnosed ten years ago but I’ve only recently started really taking care of myself. In that way, I have already cleared up some fears. I no longer feel like I will be “fat” if I keep my blood sugars in range. I’m no longer embarrassed by my diabetes and all of my supplies; I wear my insulin pump proudly.
And yet, I am holding onto the fear that all of those years that I didn’t take care of myself will catch up to me and that I will go blind, have kidney failure, etc. The complications we all know are possible for our future. However, I need to clear up the thinking that these are certainties. They are possibilities. Every year they create better tools for us the manage our illness. I recently spoke to my doctor about this who assured me that it is no longer true that a diabetic’s life expectancy is 10 years shorter than the average. We have a Supreme Court Judge, Sonia Sotomayor who has had type 1 diabetes since she was 8, diagnosed at a time when you still had to boil a syringe on the stove before using it. We have so many examples of people living healthily, joyfully, and powerfully with diabetes.
I am so incredibly lucky to have an insulin pump and CGM; these two tools have already helped my blood sugars tremendously. I can’t change my past, and I can’t predict my future; however, I can certainly change my outlook on the present. For now, I will take deep breaths and not worry. We all know what stress does to blood sugars. I choose to take my diabetes day by day. After all, isn’t that how a future is built?